i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
