genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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