matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
