I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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