I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
