Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
