When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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