I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
