He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize