Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
