After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
