Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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