I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
