Me too!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
