I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
