8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
These tits shall not be calmed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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