don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
