We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
