I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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