im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
