i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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