I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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