I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
