we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
