I hate your face
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
