why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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