Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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