Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
