I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize