no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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