Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
