i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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