Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
