I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
