he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
