Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
