He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
