yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
