He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
