we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
