I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
