Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
