Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
