I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
