wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
