All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
