How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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