This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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