i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
