Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
