I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
