Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize