so that wasnt chicken after all
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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