Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize