I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
