My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
