she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
