is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
