I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
