I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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