Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize