youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dear god my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
