she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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