chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
