fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize