Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
