I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
