I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
