.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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