I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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