fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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