I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And then he peed in my hair
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