He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
