i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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