My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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