i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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