all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
