I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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