if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
