I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize