the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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